Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic live this Monday, February 25th @ 8:15am on Fox6 News In The Morning.
Background: 
When 17 year-old Fred received his third rejection letter from the
total of ten universities he had applied to for next year, he began to
really worry. He has spent his last two years of high school taking
very difficult classes, including many AP (Advanced Placement) classes,
in order to raise his GPA (Grade Point Average) to increase his chances
of being accepted to one of his desired choice colleges. In fact,
because his first two years of high school were somewhat difficult for
him because he did not make the full connection between good grades and
college acceptance, he had to work extra diligently the past two years
to be competitive in the acceptance pool.
His dedicated efforts seemed to pay off. By the time he applied to
college, he had an A average, sufficient community service, good test
scores, and he even trained himself in golf to join the junior varsity
golf team at his school just to have this as an asset on his resume.
In addition, he had glowing letters of recommendation from three of his
teachers and won a service award for volunteering with children earlier
in the year. In other words, it seemed Fred did all the “right” things
to get into college, but at this moment has been rejected by three
schools he had imagined himself attending in the fall.
As with any experience of disappointment, Fred’s ego has been
affected. He feels bad, worried, and guilty for not working harder his
first two years of high school. Additionally, he is afraid he will
also be rejected by his remaining seven schools and then does not know
what he will do. For the past week, he has not been able to sleep,
does not want to go to school, and has been isolating himself from his
friends, many of which got accepted to their schools of choice, due to
feeling embarrassed.
Fred’s parents feel terrible for his plight and have tried to be both
supportive and encouraging. His father told him that things like this
happen and that they will figure out a plan if he does not get accepted
to any of the ten schools he applied to. Despite this loving and
needed support from his parents, Fred continues to feel miserable and
worried. He reasoned, “Why did I work so hard over the past two years
to have something like this happen to me. Was it really worth it?”
Fred’s story is a template for the feelings thatmany high school seniors will experience
over the next few months
awaiting and receiving their college acceptance and rejection letters
filling households with either feelings of elation or disappointment.
This is a period of time which moves the late adolescent into the next
stage of their lives, namely moving away from home and onto the next
stage of their lives, young adulthood. The importances of being
accepted or rejected from a university can therefore not only have an
effect on the individual’s self-esteem but also in reference to
feelings about growing up and becoming more independent from mom and
dad.
In most cases, the high school seniors are encouraged to apply to a
number of schools rather than just a few due to the increased
competition of acceptances these days due to a larger number of
students applying to college as well as entrance requirements being
much more difficult than in the years past. In fact, a recent
statement from the University of California stated that the average GPA
for admission into their system is above a 3.7 or an A average. Ten
years ago the average admission was a 3.5 and twenty years ago, it was
a 3.3. These changes have put considerable pressure on both the high
school student and their parents to “achieve” at very high levels. To
assist with these changes, most high school counselors suggest that
aside from applying to schools of desired choice, that the student also
apply to what has been termed “safety schools”, just to ensure
admission somewhere to allow the student to move forward in both their
psychological and academic development.
Such school counselors also try to console their students about the
reality of admission competition by educating them that many students
either begin college at a community college and then transfer to a
four-year university or in other cases a student may decide to transfer
colleges after two years at a different four-year school if they are
not satisfied with their education or experience.
Rejection from college or any other experience is a difficult one for
anyone and manifests in a variety of manifestations including a
temporary depletion of self-esteem, sadness, anger, and confusion and
doubt. It is essential for the parents of the adolescent who is
applying to college to discuss the difficult process of competition
prior to the application process and also discuss back-up plans if
their child does not get accepted to their preferred choices. The
attitude of the parent needs to be both supportive, loving, positive,
and guiding in helping their son or daughter get through a difficult
period of their life. The parents who understand the
multi-significance of college acceptance and rejection, namely that
this period is not just about going to college, but has to do with the
milestone of becoming an adult are the ones who become the most helpful
to their child.
Key Points:
1. College rejection causes a temporary regression and a hurt ego
2. Parents need to be loving, encouraging, and guiding about next options
3. Prepare your child ahead of time for possible rejection based on newfound competition
4. Consider consulting with the school counselor for planning the next step if necessary
Dr. Keith Kanner
Show Host
Your Family Matters Show
Fox6 News – San Diego