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Therefore, it is no surprise when our children, depending upon his or her age, do not necessarily cooperate with our requests for compliance to perform tasks in the same way we might like them to or react to other issues relating to time like having to wait a while for a treat.  For example my 7 year old son becomes very frustrated with me whenever I cannot do something with him at a particular time on a particular day.  Just last weekend, we discussed building a go-cart together for a fun father-son project and he expected in his mind that this was going to happen "just then".  When I explained to him that I had to do a little research on go-carts, safety, and where to get one,his immediate comment, based on feeling excited and then frustrated (normal for a 7 year old) was "this is never going to happen".  Even with my detailed explanation of the process of research, searching, and buying, in the mind of a 7 year old, "today is the day".

My 5 year old is a completely different story.  Still living part time in the wonderful world of magical thinking, time for him is filled with fantasy and excitement and when something does not happen immediately, his fantasy life keeps the wish perpetual.  For example, he loves gardening with me, which he would do 24/7, but when I cannot at that moment, his magical mind cannot separate one day from the other and therefore our fun activity stays alive in fantasy and buys me some time.

Now, my almost 10 year old daughter is completely different.  She has has the cognitive (thinking) capacity to not only tell time, but also to think both in the past and a little into the future, so she is then able to better tolerate frustration better than my 7 year old(which is still tough for any children!).

Such examples, which I am sure many of you can relate to, are not behavioral issues per se, but based on what a child is functionally able to do based on their age and level of development.  It is true that some children mature faster than others, but in most cases, cognitive (thinking) and emotional (feeling) development changes over time based on physiological, and neurological maturation.  Often times, when parents come to visit me, they are happy to hear that what their child is doing or saying is absolutely "normal" for where they are developmentally and it was a good idea to check it out before assuming that their child was having some sort of a psychological problem.  In a nutshell, we cannot expect a child to perform a task if their mind and body are not yet capable.  We can see then how when some parents do not understand the normality of certain concepts, they may respond to their children in ways which could do more harm than good.

Back to the time issue with children for example, as indicated in my personal stories, children under the age of 4 view time in magical ways.  They do not know how to tell time and time is very grandiose.  As parents, this is helpful for 30 minutes of our time with a 4 year old feels almost like forever and is held in fantasy for quite awhile. Playing a game in the park for 30 minutes feels like a day with a parent for many 4 and under children.  

Over 5 however, due to maturation and education, these folks are beginning to tell time and are moving away from the magical thinking of the earlier level of children and living in the "here and now",  something that we Psychologists call "Concrete Operations", which is a fancy word for thinking in the present and almost living in the moment.  This has positive and negative effects - on the positive side, they can take some responsibility for managing some basic activities that they are in the process of completing and have a very limited capacity to remember details of the past.  The bad news is that they cannot think in the abstract and struggle when put into a position of having to delay something planned ahead.  This then causes frustration and grief sometimes for the entire family.

The good news is that as children mature, such as with my almost 10 year old daughter, she is beginning to abstract and also think in the past with greater ease which then tempers her frustration when she might have to wait for a wished for activity.  This process of abstraction matched with the increased capacity to think in the past increases through the adolescent years and so on.  It also helps that they can tell time.

These time realities must be taken in consideration by all parents to help them better understand what their child is truly able to comprehend or not and applied to all aspects of their child's life of both parties, the child and the parent alike, will feel frustrated and misunderstood.  The ages where most parents seem to struggle the most is with the school age children getting them ready for school, getting them to bed, and holding them accountable for activities that are in the future.  Remember, they are only thinking "right now".  If we apply this concept to bedtime, which might be in 15 minutes, the parent then needs to alert the child that the clock is ticking in order to help them to prepare for that less desired moment.  This process helps move the school-age child into thinking a little ahead and also reduces impending frustration.  I even suggest considering a count down regiment rather than a timer because timers cannot talk.  Such a technique, when used with a soft and empathic tone, can help the parent of the school aged child to tolerate their frustration "times" much easier which is helpful to all in the household.

1.  Children perceive time differently depending upon their age.

2.  Often times, developmental milestones can explain struggles rather than assuming psychological problems.

3.  Parents need to understand differences in time processing when talking with their children

4.  Never assume that your child understands time in the same way that you do.